


All Fucked Up

by PiercetheCas



Category: Pierce the Veil
Genre: Angst, Chaptered, Cheating, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not really though, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, fuenciado - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-09-13 21:33:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 13,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9143134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiercetheCas/pseuds/PiercetheCas
Summary: Vic goes clubbing one night with the rest of the band, but the night ends in tragedy. Vic gets raped in the bathroom, and when Jaime finds him, unconcious, he assumes he cheated and gets mad at Vic. What will happen when he learns the truth?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Just a teaser (first real chap up tomorrow).  
> -Cas

The atmosphere was perfect, the bright lights and grinding bodies making me feel free. My body was pressed against Jaime's, his hips rocking against mine, sweat dripping off both our bodies as we danced.

I leaned back for a kiss, my neck bending awkwardly to allow our lips to meet hungrily. 

I moaned slightly as our bodies moved against eachother, giggling drunkenly when Jaime started kissing my neck sloppily.

I sighed when my bladder started aching and I had to pull away from Jaime who pouted before walking over to Mike and Tony who were eyeing some girls up.

Once I got to the bathrom, I instantly felt uncomfortable, seeing an older guy just leaning against the sinks, arms crossed and gaze hungrt.

I slowly walked by him, frowning when I saw it was only urinals.

I tilted my body away from him as I peed, hand shaking a bit, mind fogged by alcohol.

A gasp escaped my lips when I felt cold hands cover my mouth, drowning out any noises I could make and I whimpered when I realized the guy had placed duct tape over my mouth, his hands travelling south.

He started pressing kisses to my neck and I thought back to how Jaime had done that moments ago and I start to fight.


	2. 24 Floors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to The Maine. Back to school tomorrow, so updates may slow a bit. I'm writing this out too so updates should be every other day or so.  
> -Cas

I woke up in our house and I let out a sigh of relief, it was all a dream.

But as I sat up, I couldn't ignore my throbbing head and the pain below my waist.

Desperate tears filled my eyes as I realized I was alone in our room, Jaime never woke up before me, he must have left me.

Slowly standing up, I winced as pain shot up my spine, making me cry out in pain and fear.

I had never hurt like this after Jaime and I had sex, I was normally sore, but this pain was agony.

My steps were slow as I limped to the living room, feeling relieved when I saw Jaime sitting on the couch, maybe he would understand. I was drunk, I didn't want it.

"Jaime?" I managed to croak out, voice cracking in pain as I walked closer to him.

"Want to tell me why the fuck you cheated on me? In a fucking bathroom!" Jaime shouted, standing to face me, breath puffing against my face.

"What? No, I-i was..." I started but got cut off.

"Drunk? I don't care! You cheated on me! I thought you cared about me, about us, but I was fucking wrong." Jaime growled, storming away to our room and I chased after him, apologies spewing from my mouth, the pain gone now, the pain in my heart replacing it.

"Hime, no, I love you! I'm sorry!" I cried. Maybe I had wanted it though. I had drank way to much and acted way too slutty, maybe I deserved it?

"Fuck you vic!" Jaime growled, grabbing a duffle bag out of our closet and stuffing random clothes into it.

My chest was tight and tears dripped down my cheeks as he walked over to the night stand beside our bed, about to grab his charger when he gasped.

"Vic? What's this?" His voice was full of concern and I rushed over, paling at what I sae, my side of the bed was covered in blood.

"Oh my god." I whispered, reaching a hand back to touch my jeans, gaging when it came back slick with blood.

"Vic, what happened last night?" Jaime questioned, gripping my forearm.

"I was raped."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! Check The Maine out if you don't know them, they're awesome.  
> -Cas


	3. Fallen Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to Three Days Grace. -Cas

After I confessed to Jaime that I was raped, his face fell and he instantly gathered me in a tight hug, whispering apologies in my ear, hands rubbing my back lightly.

"Do you want to go to the hostpital? They can do a kit- oh god- un, how about a bath?" Jaime rambled, taking note of the way I recoiled when he mentioned the hostpital.

I nodded slightly and Jaime led me to the bathroom and started running a bath for me, turning the faucet off when it was full.

"You wanna undress? I can leave if you need." He asked, wiping away a few tears that threatened to spill.

"Stay." I whispered brokenly, hands trembling as I took my clothes off, revealing a multitude of bruises and scratches. I stood naked and vulnerable in front of Jaims, feeling terrified.

There was nothing sexual about it as Jaime held my waist and helped me sit in the bath, kissing my cheek gently.

I gagged slightly when the water turned a pinkish brown, blood mixing wuth the water. My hands shook as I sat them on my knees that were curled to my chest.

"It's okay baby." Jaime whispered as he ran a rag over my skin, gasping each time he saw a new mark. There was no way he would want me after this, I was broken.

"I'm sorry." I muttered, feeling guilty since he had to care for me.

"Oh sweetheart, don't be. It's not your fault. I'm so goddamn sorry I accused you of cheating, you didn't baby." Jaime assured me, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead, causing me to relax a bit.

"But I didn't fight enough." I countered, voice thick with fear and pain.

"You did what you could, I'm sure." Jaime whispered, looking at me sincerely.

Tears dropped down my face as Jaime helped me out of the bath, helping me step into a pair of boxers before lifting me into his arms and carrying me to the living room.

"Stay here while I change the sheets." Jaime ordered in a soft tone, kissing my cheek once again before leaving to change the sheets.

And when he came back I pretended not to notice his puffy eyes or the shiny trails down his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the sake of my story Vic didn't go to hostpital bit if you are ever victim of sexual assault, please go to the hostpital.  
> Thanks for reading! I'll update tomorrow since it's Friday!  
> -Cas


	4. Picking Up The Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to PTV.   
> -Cas

Jaime helped me to bed after making me eat a plate of pasta. He gently laid me down, wrapping the covers around my shoulders before sitting down next to me, watching me.

I was restless. Thoughts and memories swarmed through my brain so fast it made me feel ill. My ass still hurt, duller now, but the pain was till there. At least the bleeding had stopped in the bath.

Jaime wrapped his hand around mine and I sighed at the contact. I was scared that he wouldn't want to touch me anymore bit that wasn't the case.

"Can you sing?" I asked him, and he smiled at me before he started singing and I recognized the song as one of our's, Hold on 'Til May.

I had sung that song at countless concerts, feeling so amazing as I watched all the teens faces light up as they sung with me. With Jaime singing, I felt the same way. As if that song could heal my broken heart.

I closed my eyes and let the darkness carry me away along with Jaime's beautiful voice.

■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■

When I woke up, Jaime was curled into my side on top the covers, arm wrapped around mine as he snored gently.

I peeled myself awat sighing when I saw it was only 3 in the morning. I walked to the bathroom, sighing at my appearance.

Bruises dotted my skin, 'love bites' crawling over my throat as a reminder of what had happened.

I felt so violated, so humiliated. But most of all, I felt guilty. Jaime didn't deserve to have to take care of me. He deserved to be able to kiss and hold his boyfriend without them tensing up. He deserved someone better than me.

My eyes filled with tears as I thought back to that night. That man had violated me in a fucking bathroom, bent me over the sink and had his way with me.

When Jaime had asked I said I didn't remeber anything, but I did. I remembered it all up to when the man slipped a pill into my mouth that made the world go black after he had taken what he wanted.

I remembered the way his hands dug into my hips. The way his fingers dragged across my skin. The way he pressed his chest against my back so he could bite my neck, marking me as his. I even remembered the way he pulled out and marked me in the most humiliating way. 

I felt so ashamed that Jaime had seen me in such a state, the thought made tears swim down my cheeks as I tried to breathe, gasps escaping my mouth as I thought.

My knees collapsed under me, sending me to the floor in a painful heap.

My sobs echoed through the bathroom and didn't stop even when Jaime rushed in, gathering me in his arms and whispering sweet words into my ears.

I only stopped crying when I ran out of tears and even then, harsh sobs crawled up my throat to the point where I ended up over the toilet, bile making its way up my throat as I sobbed, pain infiltrating my body.

Jaime held me the whole time, singing song after song and when he realized it wasn't working he called someone. I could hear his voice coming from the bathroom and I knew he was inviting someone over to help, but I shook anyway, what if the man came?

Tears again filled my eyes as I threw up one last time before struggling to my feet, legs weak.

Jaime helped me as always, this time guiding me to the living room where he placed a mug of hot tea in my hands before informing me that he had called Mike over.

"Why?" I croaked, voice as broken as my mind.

"He needs to know and you need him right now whether you realize it or not." Jaime responded, and I noticed how tired he looked. Dark circles surrounded his bloodshot eyes and his face was sunken, he looked old.

"When did you go to bed?" I asked, confused because he had been sleeping when I woke up.

"I didn't really. You kept yelling in your sleep so I stayed up to make sure you were okay and didn't need me. I fell asleep around 2:30." Jaime told me and again I felt guilty because I had kept him up with my nightmares. It had been one night and we were both on edge, would he stick around until I recovered?

A knock sounded on the door making me flinch. Jaime shot me a small smile before getting up to invite Mike in.

Mike gasped when he saw me, instantly hugging me and asking what happened.

"Uh, Jaime?" I stuttered, wanting Jaime to tell Mike.

"Why don't we talk for a minute Mike. Baby, why don't you grab a shower?" Jaime requested and I nodded, feeling fearful as I walked away since Jaime was about to tell Mike my biggest secret.

Once I finished showerung, I slowly walked into the living room, not ready to face Mike, but I had no choice.

Mike slowly walked over to me whispering, "i'm so sorry." Before hugging me again, this time more gently. I felt his tears hitting my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm okay." I whispered to him and he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of my head before letting go.

"I love you hermano." Mike told me, flashing me a small smile.

"Love you too." I responded before sitting back down on the couch, feeling overwhelmed.

Everyone was treating me like glass which was the last thing I wanted. I wanted everything to go back to normal, if everyone kept shying awat from me, I would never be able to get past this.

"Are we having practice today?" I asked causing Mike and Jaime to look at me incredulously.

"I don't think you're ready honey." Jaime said and it pissed me off. He kept babying me, calling me all sorts of pet names, carrying me everywhere and getting everything for me. It was annoying.

"I just want things to be fucking normal!" I shouted and Jaime instantly walked over to me looking at me with concern and Mike looked down sheepishly.

"Okay. Calm down, let's call Tony and have him come over too, how about that?" Jaime reasoned and I lost my anger, just looking at him shyly before nodding.

"I'll call him." Mike said before excusing himself to the bathroom.

"Are you okay?" Jaime asked me once he left.

"Everyone is babying me now and I don't want that. I'm fine, I don't want everyone constantly telling me I'm not." I confessed, wrapping my fingers around his and in response he gripped mine tightly.

"But you're not okay Vic."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! Updates may slow since my bio hsa is Tuesday and I know nothing.  
> -Cas


	5. All better Than Misery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to Three Days Grace. Due to all the feedback I have received I have been doing an about me thing on each chaptered fic and this is the last one so look for that at the end.  
> -Cas

Tony arrived a half an hour later, guitar in tow. He did a double take when he saw me but didn't ask me what happened which made me feel relieved, I needed someone to treat me like normal.

"Hey Tone." Jaime greeted, wrapping his arms around Tony in a friendly hug before walking towards our practice room.

Mike and I followed, no words being exchanged during the short walk.

"What do you guys want to do?" Jaime asked, and we all just kind of stared at him with vacant looks, why had I suggested this?

"Maybe we can talk about some lyrics?" Tony suggested, looking at me with a concerned look. Normally I was leading the group, always ready for practice.

"Sounds good." Mike commented and we all sat in chairs that made a small circle. 

"Well, Vic, do you have anything?" Jaime asked and I could tell everyone was uncomfortable and I felt responsible.

"Um, well, no." I confessed, a blush painting my cheeks. All I was doing was letting everyone down like always.

"Okay." Jaime whispered before sighing quite loudly.

"Well we can't do anything. Why don't we just watch a movie?" Mike suggested and everyone agreed, glad to be out of the tense enviroment. We all walked back to the living room and I hoped they didn't notice the way I limped with each step.

"What movie?" Jaime asked as he looked at our stack if movies.

We all settled for Toy story, Jaime's favorite. I sat with Jaime, leaned into his side and Mike and Tony sat next to eachother, looking a little more comfortable with eachother than I remembered.

Thoughts kept circulating my brain as the movie played, flashes of that night's events plaguing me until I had to excuse myself to the kitchen.

Of course Jaime followed, wrapping me in a hug once we were alone.

"What's wrong baby? I can tell them they need to leave." Jaime told me, rubbing my back.

"I just keep thinking about it. I feel so dirty Jaime, so dirty. I want to be clean." I pleaded, wanting to tear off my skin.

"Baby, you are clean. I love you so much and it hurts to see you in so much pain." Jaime responded, kissing the tip of my nose.

"I love you too. You aren't mad that I cheated?" I asked, still feeling somewhat guilty.

"What? No! You didn't cheat baby. You were, you were raped." Jaime whispered, almost faltering.

Tears swam down my cheeks and I looked up alarmed when I heard footsteps enter the kitchen.

"Guys? Everything okay?" Mike asked, looking at us concerned while Tony looked confused.

"Yeah, um, you guys should go. I'll text you later." Jaime told them and they both left, after they hugged us bye.

Jaime led me to the living room, making me sit before he kneeled down in front of me.

"I know this is hard for you. But I'm here and Mike and Tony are too. You can tell me anything." Jaime whispered looking at me with such a honest expression that would make even a killer crack.

"I remember." I muttered, not able to look him in the eyes.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"I remember everything. It all goes black when he made me take some pills buy that was after it all." I told Jaime, who looked at me with sympathy, tears forming in his eyes as some cascaded down my cheeks.

"I'm so sorry baby. You want to tell me?" Jaime asked, not pressuring me and I was thankful for that.

"I went to the bathroom since I had to piss. I saw him in there, he was just leaning against the sink. I'm not sure why I didn't leave. I had been washing my hands when he pressed himself against me. I froze, Jaime, I fucking froze. He was able to gag me with something, I'm not sure what. He was heavy Jaime, so heavy. I had no fucking chance. He ripped my pants down before taking his own off. He didn't prep me Hime. It hurt so much, oh god. It hurt so fucking much. He came on my back Himes, my back! I'm so dirty!" I cries, burying my face in Jaime's chest as sobs racked my body. I could tell that Jaime didn't know what to say, he just held me and whispered meaningless words into my ear.

I cried for a while, until I had no tears left. When I was done I pulled back and looked at Jaime who had tears rushing down his cheeks and a frown tugging at his lips.

"I'm so sorry that happened baby. I should have been there, I knew that things happen in clubs but I still let you go alone." Jaime murmured brokenly, wiping t the tears on his cheeks and I realized that Jaime had been blaming himself this whole time.

"It's not your fault." I whispered, voice full of raw emotion as I stared into Jaime's wet eyes.

Jaime leaned forward and pecked my lips before leaning his head on my shoulder, his breath puffing against my skin.

He leaned back up, tears gone and a small smile on his face. 

"I love you and I will be here every step of the way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! I'm editing my fics tomorrow.  
> Here's the thing:  
> Last song I listened to: I Fell Like Dancin' -All time Low  
> Siblings?: I have 3 siblings: 16,2 and 9 months  
> Sports?: I used to dance and do gymnastics but now I don't do anything  
> Fav youtuber?: I watch mainly band crack vids not actual youtubers but I like Dan and Phil, they used to be what bands are to me now  
> Random fact: Cas is my pseudonym  
> -Cas♡♡


	6. Take On the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to You Me At Six (off their new album).   
> -Cas

I felt dirty. I wanted to just peel all of my skin off in frustration because I could still feel the man's touch on me, in me.

I sat in the bathtub, water around me turning pink as I ran my nails down my arms, why won't it just come off? Why can't I be clean?

Tears built in my eyes as I felt desperation set in, I needed to be clean, I needed it.

I rubbed my skin until it was raw and pink, painful to the touch yet I still felt his touch. Maybe I needed to replace his touch with a loving one?

I stepped out of the tub and walked into me and Jaime's room, still stark naked before I laid down on the bed and called Jaime's name.

"What's wrong?" Jaime yelled as he ran into the room, gasping when he saw me spread eagled on our bed, no clothes on.

"Baby? What are you doing?" Jaime asked slowly, moving to grab me aged pair of boxers, keeping his movements slow.

"No! Fuck me Jaime." I moaned, fake though, I wasn't aroused in the least but I needed to be clean.

"Baby? I can't, you're still hurt." Jaime reminded me and I groaned before slipping on the boxers he held out. I hated feeling rejected even though I hadn't really been feeling it I just needed something.

Jaime had been treating me like a China doll ever since he found out and I just wanted him to treat me like he used to. He didn't even joke around anymore and I hated it, it was like I had lost Jaime.

"We can have sex once you heal but it's too risky right now baby." Jaime told me again before pressing a kiss to my lips and wrapping his arms around me, but I shoved them away. I didn't deserve his touch. I didn't deserve his love. I was dirty and he was so clean, too clean.

My hands shook and I clasped them together to conceal it but Jaime noticed and took my hands in his before kneeling down in front of me.

"I know you want things to be normal Vic, but this is affecting me too. I feel so fucking guilty because I was a room away Vic. I was getting wasted while some guy was violating you, what kind of boyfriend does that make me?" Jaime cried, looking truly distressed.

"It's n-not your fault but I want you to love me like you used to." I mumbled brokenly, feeling oh so broken even though I had spent hours trying to convince Jaime that I was okay when in reality I was falling apart.

Jaime leaned forward and kissed my nose before wiping my tears away and my heart broke when I saw tears run down his cheeks, dripping onto his shirt and getting absorbed by the fabric.

"I love you Vic. So much. I want to help you, but I don't understand what you're going through so I found a group therapy that is every Tuesday and Thursday that I want you to try. I talked to them, you don't have to speak at all, just listen and realize you're not alone Vic." Jaime informed me, hands shaking in mine and I grasped his harder as I realized just how much Jaime wanted to help me and I felt truly grateful that I had such an amazing boyfriend.

"I'll try it." I whispered, I wanted to try and recover for myself and Jaime, I wanted to be able to live without being terrified of public bathrooms and bald men.

○●○●○●○●○●

Thursday came quickly and before I knew it, I sat in a cold plastic chair in a circle with about 15 other people staring at me.

The leader of the group, Austin, talked first.

"Hi everyone. I'm Austin. If you didn't know, this is a rape and sexual assault recovery group. We are all here for eachother and anything said in this group does not leave, understand? So first off, let's go around and share your name and one fact about you. I'll start. I'm Austin and I love the ocean." Austin told the group and he seemed really nice and maybe this wouldn't be terrible after all.

Everyone introduced them self and before I knew it everyone was looking at me, waiting for me to speak.

"Um, hi. I'm Vic and I like music." I muttered lamely, but no one seemed to judge me which I was thankful for.

"Would anyone like to share?" Austin asked once everyone said their name. When no one raised their hand after a few minutes, I took in a sharp breath before raising mine.

"Vic?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! The next update will be on Wednesday.  
> -Cas ♧♢♡


	7. Kill the conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to PTV. I'm trying to make these longer I promise.  
> -Cas

"Um, well, about two weeks ago I was r-raped in a club bathroom. But my boyfriend had been trying to support me but it's hard." I said, surprising myself when I only stuttered once.

Everyone looked at me with empathy and Austin thanked me for sharing before asking in anyone wanted to comment.

"Hi. I'm Jack. I just wanted to say that I went through a similar scenario a year ago and things do get better slowly." Jack told me, a friendly smile on his face and I thanked him quietly before blushing a bit at his kindness.

"Thank you Jack. Anyone else?"

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Group went by quick and soon I was in the passenger seat of our car as Jaime drove me home. He refrained from asking questions but I could tell that he wanted to know how it went.

"I talked first." I whispered, prepared for him to blow off my achievement but the exact opposite happened.

"Oh my gosh! That's amazing! I'm so proud of you Vic, really." Jaime cheered, a grin forming on his lips as he looked over at me before focusing back on the road.

"I wasn't even that scared." I felt kind of pathetic because I thought of speaking at group as such a big achievement but at least Jaime supported me.

"That's so great Vic." Jaime told me before pulling into the parking garage.

We walked to the apartment hand in hand, amiles on both of our faces, things were looking up.

○●○●○●○●○●○●

The nightmares started a few days later. Everytime my mind would play over what happened but sometimes it was Jaime raping me, sometimes I was raping Jaime and sometimes I had to watch as the man raped Jaime, my Jaime.

I always woke up in a puddle of sweat and tears, screaming at the top of my lungs.

I wanted to be able to just forget but everytime I closed my eyes, I saw the man, I saw him hurting ms, hurting Jaime.

I was always on edge, tensing at every little noise and even flinching whenever Jaime tried to kiss me. I could tell he felt hurt by my rejection but I couldn't help it and he knew that, right?

Group was helping a little but I hadn't spoke since that first day, so I was still bottling everything up inside which wasn't healthy but I couldn't help it.

The last straw was when our landlord knocked on our door, probably to collect rent, but my mind told me it was the man and he was coming to get me.

I hid in the closet, wrapping clothes around my body, trying to hide from the man who had to be in the apartment by then.

But he wasn't and it was Jaime who found me a few hours later, sleeping in the closet, he told me later he thought I had left him for a few minutes until he found me and I told him I would never leave but I don't think he believed me.

"Hey Jaime?" I asked as I handed him a mug of hot chocolate even though it was still pretty warm outside.

"What baby?" Jaime asked, wrapping one arm around my waist as we drank our hot chocolate.

"You love me right?" I questioned, my insecurities bubbling to the surface.

"Of course." Jaime whispered in my ear before gently kissing my neck making me lean away from him.

Jaime sighed and I could tell he aistrs frustrated because in the month and a half since the attack the most intimate thing we had done was take a shower together and there had been nothing sexual about it, just an awkward closeness and bodies touching gently. 

Ever since the night where he turned me down, I was terrified to initiate anything and the nightmares were still occurring making me think that Jaim would hurt me or worse- I would hurt Jaime.

I tried to voice my fears to Jaime once and he just laughed and said that we would never hurt eachother, he thought my fears were childish and that stung.

"Baby? Let's go to bed. You're falling asleep." Jaime whispered before he gently picked me up and carried me to bed before scooting in next to me, curling an arm around my waist gently and kissing my cheek once before he started snoring in my ear, annoying me slightly but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway, not with the fear that I would just have another nightmare.

So I stayed awake, just staring at Jaime, watching how his lips would curl up randomly in his sleep and his arm would wrap around me a but tighter making me feel safe and sound.

Before long, my exhaustion got the better of me and my plan went out the window as my eyes fell shut, a nightmare following quickly.

○●○●○●○●○●○●

"Vic? Vic! Wake up! It's just a dream! Baby?" Someone yelled, shaking my body gently as my nightmare left, leaving tears in its place.

Jaime collected me in a hug after my eyes opened and I gladly accepted, tears falling onto Jaime's shoulder.

I was so damn sick of living in fear, I was so sick of getting no sleep because of that asshole who ruined my life. I was just so tired and no amount of sleep was going to fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! I'm trying to finish this by the end of the month.  
> -Cas


	8. The only Time I Feel Alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to The Amity Afflicttion. I'm getting sick so my update might not be great.  
> -Cas

I was exhausted. My limbs were slow and my eyes were surrounded by dark circles. I just couldn't sleep and when I did I had nightmares that kept me up the rest of the night.

I could tell Jaime as tired too. He didn't smile as often and he didn't go out, he just did for me. Getting me tea and helping me out of bed, but he needed to help himself.

"Jaime, baby? Why don't you go see Tony? Or maybe invite the boys over? Do something fun for once." I suggested and I guess Jaime took it wrong because he stormed off to our bedroom and sulked in our bed.

"What's wrong Jaime?" I asked, wrapping an arm around Jaime who was stiff.

He shook his head before placing it on my shoulder, sighing a bit. I looked down at him and saw the way his eyes drooped and he fought to keep them open. I saw the way his lips were curled into a frown.

I made Jaime lay down before I laid next to him, bodies curling into eachother's.

"It's gonna be okay Jaime." I whispered realizing that he must feel a little bit alone since he felt he couldn't talk to me about his problems anymore.

"Work wants to fire me. Said I missed too many days." Jaime whispered back, voice sad.

"You can find another job." I mumbled, but he probably couldn't. No where wanted to hire a man with a sleeve of tattoos anymore.

Jaime just laughed darkly before saying, "We don't tour all that often anymore so I can't rely on that. You can't rely on that and we need to save up some money for retirement and all. What kind of boyfriend am i? I can't even work."

"Jaime, it's okay. I'd rather have you here right now anyways." I replied and it was true, I would never have been able to get through it without Jaime by my side.

Jaime just sighed again before he closed his eyes. Eventual his gentle snores filled the room and I knew sleep was futile for me so I walked back into the living room, whole body tensing when I heard a crash sound from the kitchen.

My heart stopped and I held my breath as I heard footsteps walking around our apartment.

When the man rounded the corner, bile rose in my throat and I cried for Jaime, but it was no use. The man ran forwards and hit my head with something hard that sent me spiraling into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> -Cas


	9. Despair The Taste of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning! For:  
> Graphic rape  
> Graphic violence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to PTV. This chapter hurt to write, I hate hurting my babies.   
> WARNING! Graphic rape and violence in this chapter so don't read if that makes you uncomfortable or will trigger anything   
> -Cas

I woke up and instantly wanted to close my eyes again.

Jaime was tied to a chair in front of me and I was tied to my own, a gag in my mouth. His eyes were wide with fear as he looked at me, a bruise forming on the side of his head.

My own temple was throbbing and my eyes watered when Jaime's eyes locked with mine.

Jaime didn't have a gag on, so he started whispering to me.

"You okay? Baby, it'll be alright." He said in a hushed voice, but he was bluffing, we were tied to chairs, we weren't getting out any time soon.

We were in the living room, I noticed, and the lights were dimmed so it was hard to see, so I definitely wasn't expecting a large hand to clamp down on my shoulder or a pair of lips to connect to my neck.

I shut my eyes, embarrassed that Jaime had to watch. The man, the same man who had assaulted me in the bathroom, ran his hand over my crotch before grabbing me making me whimper in fear as his lips made hickies on my neck and collarbone.

"Hey! Stop that you son of a bitch!" Jaime yelled, fighting against his restraints.

The man just laughed before he undid my feet from the chair. Jaime as yelling at me to fight but my whole body was frozen in fear as the man untied my hands as well before making me stand, large arms wrapped around me as he continued to kiss my neck.

"Vic! Fight him!" Jaime yelled but I couldn't think as the man made me lay on the couch, in full view of Jaime.

The mad undid my jeans and my mind went into panic mode when he ripped my boxers down, exposing me.

My legs started thrashing as he wrapped his hands around me, trying to make me hard but nothing was happening. I used my hands to try to shove hom way but he just backhanded me hard, and I no longer fought, I just gave into the inevitable.

The man removed his own pants and I could hear Jaime screaming bloody murder as the man pressed into me and violated me once again.

Bile rose in my throat as the man kissed my lips and held my wrists above my head as he roughly trusted into me, teeth nipping at my skin roughly.

It seemed like hours before he finished inside me, making me gag even more. He pulled out before kissing me once more, whispering vile words against my lips.

"Vic! Vic! Baby!" Jaime shouted, tears falling down his face and his wrists were bleeding from how much he had struggled against his restraints.

The man walked over to Jaime before he started undoing his restraints while he whispered something in Jaime's ear.

I was in shock, I couldn't even feel any pain, just a weird detached feeling that resonated through my whole body.

The man made Jaime stand much like he had done me and he forced him over to me and Jaime looked sorry as he undid his own pants before he too was made to violate me in the worst way.

It took longer for Jaime to finish and when he did, sobs were escaping out of his mouth along with apologies. But he had nothing to be sorry for, it wasn't his fault, but I was still scared when he tried to hug me gently.

The man grabbed Jaime by his waist before he kicked him once, twice, three times, sending Jaime to the floor, tears still streaming down his face, pants around his ankles.

"Thanks whore." The man mumbled my way before just stalking out of the apartment after he pulled his pants up.

One econd he was there and the next second he was gone, leaving Jaime and I alone and all I could think was 'please don't come back. I can't take anymore.' 

I didn't notice Jaime grab his cell phone but I did hear him talking to 911, telking them we needed an ambulance.

He pulled his boxers and pants up before walking over to me, choking on his tears as he pulled my boxers up, pulling my pants the rest of the way off as he collapsed against me, sobs racking his frame as he tried to speak.

Me on the other hand, I just laid there, no tears falling and no emotions showing on my face because I was broken, he had broken me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! Update tomorrow!   
> -Cas


	10. Sounds of Scissors And Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title is "Song From Isabelle" by PTV.  
> -Cas

The sound of a heart monitor woke me up, the steady beat making my head throb. I felt someone's hand in mine and I knew it was Jaime without even looking.

My eyes watered as I remembered the events of the day before. I felt dirty again and I knew no matter how hard I tried I wouldn't feel clean.

Jaime's head was resting against my calf and I could tell he was asleep because his soft snores were filling the room. I frowned when I saw a bruise on the cheekbone visible to me and a small split in his lip.

Why had that bastard done that to us? Why? I just couldn't understand.

Tears slowly fell down my cheeks as I squeezed Jaime's hand harder, trying to keep myself from falling apart. My lungs felt small as I tried to take in more oxygen, I felt like I was suffocating.

When I let put a small whimper, Jaime's head shot up and he looked at me with concern.

"Baby? Are you alright? I'm gonna call the nurse." Jaime spoke, rushed as he reached for the button that would signal a nurse. His finger pushed the button and most instantly a nurse walked in, a clipboard in his hands.

"Hi Victor, Jaime. Good to see you awake. Now, we need your consent to run a few tests. We want a blood sample to check for any stds that you may have contracted as well as a rape kit to see if we can get the suspects dna and check for any tearing, is that alright?" The nurse asked, and I could tell he really wanted me to do the tests so I nodded feebly before signing the form he had attached to the clipboard.

"I'd assume you assume you want a female nurse?" He asked and again I nodded, holding onto Jaime's hand tightly, fear gripping my heart like a vice.

Two female nurses came in a few minutes later, wheeling in a cart with various supplies. They did the blood test first, the needle making me wince as it entered my skin but it wasn't that bad and Jaime smiled at me the whole time, kissing my cheek softly when the nurse's attached stirrups to the end of the bend, bending my knees and placing my feet in the to make my most private areas visible.

I shuddered when I felt a cold finger enter me, probing around my entrance carefully and I sighed when she told me I was fine down there.

They ran multiple tests, scanning my body for any dna they could find and they were joyous when they were able to find tracings of sperm on my thighs.

They took samples and then left Jaime and I alone. I felt violated all over, so many hands had touched me in so many private places and I felt so dirty, so fucking dirty.

Jaime let me cuddle into him as tears fell from my eyes yet again, I was so exhausted but I wanted to hold Jaime, let him know I wasn't mad.

"Jaime?" I whispered, sitting up so I could look at him.

"Yeah?" He croaked, voice smaller than I'd heard before.

"You didn't want to do it. I don't blame you at all. That ass mad you do it, you hear me?" I told him, gripping both of his hands in my own, brushing my lips over the small bruises dotting his face and then the large bruise covering his cheekbone.

"But I should have fought Vic. God, I fucking raped you." Jaime muttered brokenly, taking his hands away from mine and clasping them together.

"No you didn't. You were raped Jaime. He forced you to do that, he forced you to have sex with me, there was no consent, I'm sure you didn't enjoy it and I most certainly do not blame you and I do not hate you. I love you and I will continue to love you." I told Jaime and my heart broke when he started sobbing and mumbling "Thank you" over and over. He actually thought I would hate him. He had sat here for God knows how long thinking I would wake up and hate his guts.

He hugged me tight for a while only parting when we heard footsteps enter the room.

I was engulfed in another hug, flinching a bit at first before I realized it was just Mike and Tony. Mike hugged me tighter than I thought possible while Tony awkwardly stood next to Jaime, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I love you bro." Mike whispered before letting me go and staring at me with sad eyes.

Tony sat down beside Jaime and Mike sat on the other side of the bed and the room filled with silence.

No one knew what to sat, what do you say when something so tragic happens?

Eventually, the doctors came in and told me I could go and I sighed with relief before remembering that I had to go back to our apartment, the same place I was violated.

I looked at Jaime and he seemed to understand because he told me we would rent a hotel room, denying Mike's request for us to stay at his place since he didn't really have room for us and we needed a bit of privacy right then.

After saying goodbye to Mike and Tony, Jaime wrapped an arm around my waist and helped me to a cab he had called which dropped us off at our hotel and I was thankful when Jaime told me Mike was dropping by our place to grab our stuff. I couldn't stomach the thought of going back there, not with the man on the loose.

Jaime and I didn't talk as we turned on Toy Story, mind flashing back to when we watched that a few weeks ago, when everything was better.

Jaime let me curl into his side as we watched the film, but I could tell he felt uncomfortable touching me. I couldn't blame him. He had seen that man use me, no wonder he found me gross. I pulled my by away from his, claiming to be hot, but I just wanted Jaime to feel comfortable.

Jaime fell asleep halfway through the movie so that gave me a chance to walk into the small bathroom and take a shower, thankful that Mike had indeed dropped ff some of our clothes.

I turned the faucet as hot as it would go, I needed to be clean again.

The water was hot, turning my skin red and making the mirror fog up but it washed away the dirt and grime. It washed away the vile acts that man had performed on me and it washed away a bit of my pain, but not enough.

I scrubbed at my skin until I was raw and then I dried off before getting dressed in a loose grey shirt and flannel pajama pants.

I brushed my teeth until the gums bled, feeling my skin start to crawl again now that I was out of the shower.

I roughly brushed my hair, reminded of the way the man had pulled it as he raped me. Instantly, I dropped my brush and left the bathroom, memories haunting me as I walked over to the Queen bed we had bought.

I laid down and listened to the sounds of Jaime snoring from the couch and let myself drift off into a restless slumber full of pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!   
> -Cas


	11. That's What I've Been Through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title is "hurt" by Emarosa(a great song).  
> -Cas

Jaime had been avoiding me.

He never held my hand, he refused to kiss me and all of our conversations were short and tense. It was killing me.

I was falling again, falling into a world of nightmares and flinching that I thought I would be able to get over with Jaime's help, but he wasn't helping, he was making it worse.

We were at the grocery store and Jaime was looking at some pasta while I wandered about the aisle when all of a sudden I felt a hand touch my lower back but when I turned around no one was there.

My heart raced as I walked back to Jaime. Logic was telling me I probably brushed into the display of noodles while my heart yelled "run before he gets you".

I tried to grab Jaime's hand but he pulled away and I was hurt and scared. So I ran.

I went home to our hotel room and Jaime didn't notice. He didn't call, didn't text, he didn't notice and it hurt so fucking bad that I curled up on the couch and sobbed into a pillow until my stomach and head hurt.

Jaime arrived about twenty minutes later, fists clenched around bags that he soon dropped when he saw me.

"Why the hell did you leave? Why didn't you answer me?" Jaime yelled, grabbing my arm and pulling me up.

"You never fucking called me Jaime!" I yelled back, feeling no fear, I actually felt stubborn and I wasn't giving up.

"Yes I did you ass!" Jaime yelled back and he put his phone in front of my face , call log open, and my stomach turned when I saw he had called me, not once or even twice but 15 times, 15.

"You've been avoiding me Jaims. I'm sorry I left but it's not like you cared. You won't even touch me! Am i really that fucking disgusting to you?" I whispered, fear catching up to me as I realized Jaime could easily overpower me and do what he wanted and the thought chilled me to my core.

"What the hell Vic? I love you! I'm hurting too y'know. You weren't the only one affected this time!" Jaime yelled and tears filled my eyes as his grip on my arm tightened making small crescent indents appear on my skin.

I couldn't speak as my mind carried me away, back to that bathroom with the man digging his fingers into my hip bones creating bruises on my skin like Jaime was now.

"Let go." I growled, tears dripping off my nose slowly and Jaime complied, grip loosening until his hand fell back to his side and he stared in horror at my bruised arm.

I ran my other hand over the bruise, tears falling harder when I thought about what had just happened, Jaime hate me now.

"Baby? I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did that. Oh god, I hurt you, oh god. Let me get you some ice, god." Jaime frantically whispered and he did get me ice, placing it against my arm and I didn't feel the sting as the cold solid touched my arm, I was numb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! I'll update more today since I've been sick and busy and haven't been able to.  
> -Cas


	12. Never Thought You'd Fall So Far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title is "Fallen Angel" By Three Days Grace.  
> -Cas

Jaime slept on the couch that night and I was left in the Queen bed that felt colder than ever.

My body felt dirty and my thoughts wrong. I felt like I had after the first time, broken. And this time Jaime wasn't trying to fix me.

Tears filled my eyes as I tried to sleep. I was so desperate for some rest but I couldn't. Each time I did close my eyes I had images of the man violating me, of the man hurting Jaime and Jaime hurting me.

I felt alone even though Jaime slept a few feet from me. Tears fell down my face as I touched the bruise on my arm Jaime had created and I made a decision. I as making Jaime come with me to counseling whether he wanted to or not.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○

Jaime didn't react well to the idea but he went anyway and that's how we found ourselves in a small therpist's office with a nice looking older lady sitting across from us.

"So what brought you all here today?" She asked and I read her name tag that said "Susan".

"Um, well, we were assaulted in our home and raped." I whispered, Susan jotting something down before looking to Jaime and raising her eyebrows.

"I wasn't raped. He was. Twice. Well three times." Jaime muttered, not looking at the woman who looked very confused.

"A man raped me in a club bathroom and then a few weeks later he assaulted us in our home. He raped me and forced Jaime to rape me as well, which means that Jaime was raped too since I know he did not want to." I responded as well, one of us had to tell her the full story.

"How do you feel about what happened Jaime?" Susan asked, and Jaime shrugged before sighing and finally responding.

"Terrible. No one should have to be raped let alone by their boyfriend. I should have fought back." Jaime cried, looking at his hands in shame.

"You were raped as much as I was Hime." I told him and he laughed darkly.

"No I wasn't Vic and you know that." Jaime muttered.

"Yes you were and you know that Hime. You did not consent to anything that happened therefore it is rape and you need to accept that." I replied, getting a little angry because he was denying himself recovery when he deserved it.

Jaime just shook his head and looked at Susan who as writing something down.

"Jaime? I think it would be best for you to seek some individual counseling as well as you Vic but I also think you both should try to help eachother right now. It's a tough time and you need support." Susan told us and Jaime looked at the ground.

"I'm sorry Vic." Jaime whispered, capturing my attention.

I nodded and grabbed his hand with mine and we finished the session a few minutes later, but we still had a lot of unresolved tension between us.

When we got to the hotel, Jaime just laid on the bed with a sad look on his face and before I knew it he was sobbing and I had him wrapped in my arms.

He cried onto my shoulder until he fell asleep and I looked down at him and saw the dark circles surrounding his eyes and the way his lips were cracked and I knew I had to help him before we both fell even further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> Jaime isn't being a jerk it's just his way of coping with what happened. (Not that him treating Vic like he has been is okay)  
> -Cas


	13. Ghost In the Walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title is "King For A Day" by PTV ft. Kellin Quinn.  
> -Cas

Jaime woke me up the next morning by pressing a few kisses to my jaw. My eyes slowly opened and I was surprised to see Jaime smiling at me like he used to.

He pressed a kiss to my lips and I quickly opened my mouth, allowing him to slip his tongue inside and he moaned slightly into the kiss.

We pulled away when we ran out of breath and we just kind of stared at eachother, Jaime still smiling a bit.

"Morning." Jaime whispered as he kissed my cheek and I said "morning" back whole my thoughts raced.

Did Jaime want me to have sex with him? Would he leave me if I didn't?

Jaime continued to kiss me, nipping at my collarbone as I just laid there, frozen. It felt like that night all over again as Jaime pressed sloppy kisses down my stomach. 

Tears filled my eyes when Jaime kissed the area right above the hem of my boxers before he moved his lips even lower.

The worst part was it felt good. It felt good when Jaime pulled my boxers off and took me in his mouth. It felt good when I finished but it felt wrong, dirty.

Jaime looked at me after I finished but I couldn't bring myself to return the favor. I felt violated enough. But I hadn't told him to stop and he hadn't been trying to hurt me, all he did was give me a blowjob, something he rarely did, so I should have felt thankful.

But I didn't and Jaime could tell. His face fell and he kind of deflated. His shoulders fell forward and his back slumped and he just looked like a kicked puppy and I felt terrible.

"I love you." I whispered as I kissed Jaime softly.

"Love you." Jaime mumbled before he got off the bed and the stack of clothes he grabbed told me he was going to shower.

I just hadn't been expecting it. Just the day before he had been avoiding me and shouting snappy words and today he wanted to give me a blowjob? It made no sense.

The more I thought about it, the better I felt. Jaime hadn't hurt me, he had given me pleasure and he had shown me love. He hadn't raped me and I was okay.

Maybe I would be able to get better.

Jaime got out of the shower twenty minutes later and he smiled at me sheepishly.

"I'm sorry for earlier." He whispered as he held my hand gently.

"It's okay, it was nice." I giggled, feeling like I was getting somewhere with him.

Jaime laughed back before he kissed the tip of my nose gently making me laugh harder.

"Why don't we go out today?" Jaime asked and I smiled instantly because we hadn't gone out in forever.

●●●●●●●●●●●●  
We ended up going to a small flower garden not too far from the hotel.

It was perfect and Jaime was too. He held my hand the whole time, even when we got odd looks from some people.

He read all the plaques about the flowers to me, even buying me a white rose, my favorite.

The smile wouldn't leave my face as we walked to a small park.

We sat on the swings together, hands still clasped and smiles on both of our faces.

"I'm sorry I haven't been there for you recently. I was just coping on my own and I didn't think about the fact that you needed me and I'm so sorry." Jaime confessed, kissing the top of my hand gently.

"It's okay baby. I know you were hurting and you just reacted differently than me." I replied, leaning over to kiss Jaime, laughing when I fell off the swing.

Jaime laughed too and got down only to lay on top of me, smiling into a kiss.

Jaime tickled my sides gently as we laid there in the grass, stars illuminating the sky above us.

Jaime moved so he was laying beside me and he hooked one of his legs over mine as he kissed me slowly.

I felt like a teenager again and I loved it, just feeling loved and forgetting about all the bad things that had happened.

Jaime held me long into the night and we went back to the hotel a few hours later, laughs echoing around us and smiles permanently etched onto our faces as we stumbled to the bed, drunk in life and love.

Jaime laid me down and peppered kisses and when he pulled my clothes off, I didn't picture the man.

When he gently pushed into me, I felt no pain, just love.

Afterwards, we lay in eachother's arms and I knew them that we would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> -Cas


	14. Wanna Be Alone And Watch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title is "Floral & Fading" by PTV.  
> -Cas

The next day, Jaime and I went apartment hunting since there was no way we could go back to our old apartment, not after what happened. 

We got on a real Estate site and looked through pages and pages of apartments that were all not for us. Some were too big, some were too far from the city and some were falling apart.

After countless hours of browsing site after site, I stumbled upon one that seemed perfect, almost too perfect.

It was spacious, but not too spacious. It was only 5 minutes from out hotel and it was cheap, very cheap.

"Jaime!" I yelled, making him run over to me nd he grinned when he read the ad, dialing the number of the agent so we could look at it.

A smile stretched over my face as I thought about being able to have a home again, it was like letting go of all the past events and it was so great.

We looked at the apartment the next day and as soon as we walked in, we knew it was for us. The walls were all a light grey and the furniture was modern and came with the apartment for no price.

It was on the 12th floor of an apartment building so when we stood on the balcony, we could see the city and it was gorgeous.

We signed the papers that day and within three days we were moved in, with a little help from Mike and Tony.

Jaime and I made love that night in our new bed, under soft fairy lights as the stars shone bright.

As I looked into his eyes I saw lust but most of all I saw love and that made my heart swell. I leaned up to kiss him and he groaned into my mouth as he finished inside me, biting my lip a bit as he pulled out before helping me to finish.

As always, he held me once we were done, letting me know he loved me, not just for sex.

As I laid there, I thought about those nights where I was violated.

They seemed so long ago, it was hard to remeber a time when I wasn't okay. When I would flinch from every touch and refuse to talk to anyone.

"Hey Hime?" I whispered and he hummed in response.

"How do you feel about marriage?" I asked quietly, scared of his response.

"Well, I think that it's great but only at the right time." He answered and I felt a little rejected but I understood where he was coming from.

"Do you want a family one day?" I asked, the soft glow of the fairy lights setting the mood.

"I'm honestly not sure but if I want one someday, it'll be with you." Jaime told me and my eyes filled with tears, happy ones. Jaime would actually start a family with me.

I smiled at him and he hugged me tighter in response, my hands playing with his t shirt gently.

Sleep took me quickly and before I knew it, my eyes had slipped shut and I was tossed into a dream.

●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●

Jaime was thrusting into me, hands harshly gripping my thighs as he pivoted his body.

Tears fell from my eyes as he spat evil words at me, calling me such horrible names.

"You like that whore?" Jamie growled in my ear before he bit my collarbone harshly.

I screamed, for help and for Jaime to stop.

It hurt and when I told Jaime that he just laughed before he started thrusting harder and faster making me scream as I saw spots, but not the good kind.

Jaime started yelling at me, "Wake up! Vic! Wake up baby!"  
●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●

My eyes opened quickly and I gasped when I saw Jaime in front of me but he as fully clothed and he looked worried.

"You were screaming baby." Jaime whispered as he hugged me and I fought against him, shoving him away as I cowered against the headboard, tears pouring down my cheeks as my lungs tried to fill with air.

"Get away from me!" I screamed when Jaime tried to touch me and he backed away, looking at me with shock written on his features.

"I'm gonna call Mike baby." Jaime told me before he left the room to call Mike.

I tried to calm down. Jaime didn't hurt me, it was just a dream.

I had been doing so well, why was I breaking again?

Tears kept falling even when I placed my hands over my eyes, willing them to dry before Mike got here to no avail.

"Vic?" Mike asked softly as he walked into the room, Jaime standing behind him.

I let put a soft sob in response and Mike instantly gathered me in his arms, rocking me back and forth as I cried into his shirt hands grasping the material as I sobbed.

Jaime watched us and I could tell he wanted to comfort me but wasn't sure how I would react so I gently beckoned him over and he rubbed my back while Mike held me.

Once I was done crying, I felt sick. My eyes felt raw and my nose was running as I coughed softly, wiping the trails of tears off my face.

Jaime left for a few minutes and returned with a large mug of tea that I accepted thankfully.

I sipped the tea and sighed when it soothed my sore throat. I leaned into Mike as I drank the tea silently and Jaime sat beside me, his hand resting on my thigh, rubbing small circles.

"What happened Vic?" Jaime whispered and I shrugged slightly before sighing because I knew he wasn't going to let me not answer.

"I had a bad dream." I answered, voice raw and weak.

Jaime frowned before brushing his fingers through my hair, taking my mug when I handed it towards him. He sat it down in our end table before pulling me to him, wrapping his arms around my weak body and Mike left the room to give us some privacy.

"What happened? In your dream?" Jaime whispered against my lips, kissing the tip of my nose gently since that always made me giggle.

"You, um, you raped me." I confessed and Jaime looked horrified, dropping his arms from around me to stare at my face, tears welling in his eyes.

"Oh my god." Jaime whispered before hugging me again, whispering countless words in my aes that made me feel a little better.

"You know I'd never hurt you right?" Jaime told me and I nodded because I did. The only time he had hurt me was when he was under immense stress and even then h hadn't meant anything.

"I love you." I whispered before getting up to take a shower because I felt dirty, like I had years of grime sticking to my skin and I needed it off.

In the shower, I scrubbed at my skin, picturing that man holding me down. Remembering the way he had bent me over the sink and took me. I remembered the way he had laid me down on my own couch and violated me in front of Jaime. I remembered how he had forced Jaime to do the same.

And just like the water swirled down the drain, all my happiness left my body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! To be real, the way Vic says "Tony" in Floral & Fading gives me life.  
> The point of this chapter was to show how truly traumatic rape and sexual assault can be and how it kind of creeps up on you. I didn't want you to think either Vic or Jaime just brushed it under the rug.  
> -Cas


	15. Trigger My Nightmare Once Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title is "Dive In" by PTV.  
> -Cas

Once I got out of the shower, I slowly dried off, tears still trying to fall down my face but I forced them back, tired of feeling weak.

I got dressed in loose sweats and a hoodie, not wanting any skin to be showing.

I scrubbed at my face with a cloth before I walked out of the bathroom, eyes still red and puffy.

"Hey Vic." Jaime whispered when he saw me, but I ignored him, looking over his shoulder at the window, picturing my body just falling out.

"You okay baby?" Jaime whispered as he wrapped his arms around me causing me to flinch away. Jaime looked at me with concern as I walked away from him, not looking at Mike either.

I grabbed a mug and filled it with hot tea, sipping from it and enjoying the way the hot liquid burned my lips.

"Want to watch a movie bro?" Mike asked as he poured himself some tea too, wincing at the heat, "How the hell are you drinking that?"

"Not that hot." I muttered, ignoring the first question. I couldn't handle a movie.

Jaime would want me to sit next to him and he would want to cuddle and I just couldn't, not without feeling even more dirty.

"Well, I'm gonna give you two some space?" Mike questioned as he made for the door and within a minute, Jaime and I were alone.

"What's wrong Vic? Was it the nightmare?" Jaime asked, voice worn out as he walked towards me, leaning against the counter in front of me.

"I'm fine." I spat, feeling so down, so fucking sad.

"Like hell you are Vic! I can't help you if you won't talk to me!" Jaime yelled, hands flailing as he spoke.

"I'm fine Jaime." I repeated, voice Stern and cold.

Jaime glared at me before he walked away, leaving me alone in the kitchen as he stomped off to the bathroom, door slamming shut behind him.

I felt bad, I really did. Tears filled my eyes as lead filled my heart, I just felt so tired.

I walked to our bedroom slowly, getting into bed and wrapping the blanket tightly around me, letting the fabric absorb my tears.

Jaime came out of the bathroom some time later and my heart broke when he harshly grabbed two pillows and a small blanket before stomping away, glaring at me as he left.

Sobs shook my frame as I cried, desperation clawing at my heart as I broke down.

I let out a few coughs as I cried, the force of the sobs hurting my throat. 

I wrapped the blanket tighter around me as my sobs died out, replaced with choked whimpers as fear filled me.

What if Jaime left? He had nothing keeping him here. He obviously didn't like me so why would he stay?

Panic filled me as my thoughts raced faster and faster until they had me gasping for air.

What if that man found us? What if Jaime hurt me?

I sat up when I realized breathing was becoming hard and I placed a hand over my heart as it started beating rapidly, scaring me a bit.

Tears filled my eyes again as I struggled to breath, whole body shaking as I panicked. 

My first instinct was to find Jaime, so I slowly stood and gasped when my legs gave out underneath me, sending me to the floor with a loud 'thump'.

Spots filled my vision and the last thing I heard before I passed out was Jaime yelling my name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> \- Cas


	16. Breath Deep And Hesitate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title is "24 Floors" by The Maine.(one of my favorite songs)  
> -Cas

I woke up in my bed, blankets bunched around me and Jaime sitting next to me, watching me with a guarded expression.

"Hey. What happened?" Jaime whispered, voice small.

"Panic attack." I whispered back, feeling the after effects, exhaustion and fear. Fear of another attack.

It's ridiculous really. Sometimes the thought of having an attack can send me into another attack, it's a cycle that is so hard to break.

"Oh." Jaime said simply, hands clasping as he but his lip.

Jaime sighed before he brushed a string of hair out of my face, eyes full of something but I couldn't tell what exactly.

"I'm sorry for getting mad earlier, I was out of line." Jaime told me, hand grabbing mine gently as if he was scared I would pull away.

In response, I grasped his hand even tighter, sending him a small smile.

"I really am sorry Vic." Jaime whispered as he brushed his lips across my cheek and I surprised him by grabbing his collar and pulling him down for a kiss, a real kiss.

It as messy, all teeth and tongue but it felt right. For that moment I could forget and focus on the feeling of Jaime but as soon as I pulled away, thoughts assaulted me again making me wince as my head started throbbing.

I didn't understand how I was so okay with kissing but the second Jaime's hand wandered south, I froze.

"Love you." He whispered and I said the same before hugging Jaime close, appreciating the small moment while it lasted because things had been so up and down, who knows where Jaime and I would stand the next day.

"I hope you know that I'm here if you ever want to talk." Jaime said as he stroked my hair.

"I do."

●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●

 

The next few days were just as bad, full of nightmares and flinching away from simple touches. I had stopped eating lunch and dinner, surviving off a small breakfast and a few measly snacks, maybe if I lost weight I wouldn't be targeted again.

Maybe if I dyed my hair I wouldn't be targeted.

That thought led to me running to the nearest Hot Topic to grab some bleach and blue dye, eyeing the container caustiously.

I took it home and sighed when Jaime was still at work so I had long enough to do my hair before he got home.

The bleach hurt. It itched at my scalp and caused heat to radiate on my shoulders as I whined, ready for it to be over. But it was worth it, so fucking worth it.

Within an hour, I was applying the blue, hands covered in thin plastic gloves and an odd grape smell filling the bathroom.

I looked in the mirror and smiled because I looked so different, now that man would never find me again.

"What the hell?" A voice cried and I turned around slowly, smiling sheepishly at Jaime who was staring at my hair in shocm, mouth open wide.

"Uh, hi." I whispered, suddenly feeling nervous. Why hadn't I asked Jaime first?

"Your hair." Jaime whispered, still looking at me in shock.

"I'm sorry I didn't ask. I just wanted to look different so he wouldn't ever find me again. I just wanted to feel safer Hime." I explained and my voice shook and I hated it, I always felt so damn weak when in reality I shouldn't have to ask to dye my hair. 

"Oh baby. You don't have to ask, I was just surprised. You can dye your hair all you want." Jaime replied and I smiled, peeling off my gloves after I shoved my hair into a hair net making Jaime laugh.

"Come on granny." June laughed as he drug me to the kitchen where he had subway for us.

"So romantic babe." I mocked, kissing his lips slowly before biting into my sub, exaggerating a moan as I bit.

"Stop that or I'll have to bend you over this table." Jaime joked but my body froze anyway and tears filled my eyes and I fucking hated myself.

Jaime looked so guilty as he rubbed my back, whispering many apologies against my skin until I calmed down.

Jaime kept whispering in my ear, the puffs of his breath annoying the hell out of me.

"You keep doing that and I'll bend you over this table and show you who's boss." I growled and Jaime's eyes went wide with surprise and lust as he stared at me.

"Damn baby." Jaime whispered, laughing a bit at his lame repsonse.

I smiled at him before I snuck way to wash out my hair dye.

The shower looked like a surf's murder scene and no matter how long I stood under the spray of water, blue kept swirling down the drain.

I stood in the shower until I wanted to fall asleep from boredom so I got out and smiled at my reflection.

My hair was a dark blue, almost royal blue.

That man would never be able to find me, I smiled even wider at the thought. It looked pretty fucking stupid but maybe it would help me feel safe, more than it already had.

Jaime liked my hair too. He stroked it and braided it, even sniffing it, grimacing at the grape aroma that still stuck to the dye.

"You look hot with blue hair." Jaime said against my neck as he planted kisses across my skin and I didn't feel dirty or wrong, I felt loved and it was amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> -Cas


	17. It Probably Happens At Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title is "Holding Onto You" by TØP.  
> -Cas

Mike died laughing when he saw me, hair bright blue and hard to miss.

He had to wipe the tears from the corner of his eyes as he laughed and it hurt a bit. My hair made me feel better, feel safe, but here Mike was tearing it apart.

"Oh my god, why did you dye your hair? It looks ridiculous!" Mike laughed and Jaime glared at him before he rubbed my shoulder.

"Your hair looks great." Jaime whispered and I smiled a bit, Mike may not have liked it but Jaime did, or he was a good liar.

Mike gave me a weird look before he walked into the living room, plopping down on our sofa like he owned the place.

Jaime gave me a short hug before he grabbed a few beers from the kitchen and headed to the living room, leaving me to shuffle in behind him, hands tugging at my hair.

What the hell had I been thinking? Blue hair? Yeah, that was totally going to change my whole appearance.

I sat down next to Jaime, pretending to be into the football game that was on the screen when in reality, I was thinking about my hair.

Why had I done that? What had I been thinking? Gid, I'm way too impulsive.

I ran my hands through my hair, sighing at my blue strands before I tried to focus on the TV screen in front of me, sipping on the beer Jaime had handed me, the taste annoying me but I didn't want to just not drink it and upset Jaime.

Mike and Jaime were really into the game, constantly cheering and shouting making me flinch many times as their voices raised.

After a few hours of torture, the game was over and Mike went home, but not before calling me "Smurf" which had me flustered.

Did I really look that bad?

Jaime collected me in a hug after Mike left, pressing a hard kiss to my lips and the smell of his breath told me he was probably drunk.

His hips grinder down against mine making me moan as I got caught up in our kiss, tongues battling for dominance and of course Jaime won.

I felt fine until Jaime laid me down on the couch, body pressing against mine.

It was too familiar. It had me spiraling back to the night I had been pressed into a very similar couch by that man, then by Jaime.

I gagged, shoving Jaime off as I rushed to the bathroom to throw up, tears running down my face as I heaved, hands clasping the rim of the toilet.

"Vic?" Jaime slurred, resting a weary palm on my back but I shrugged it off as I got sick again.

Eventually I felt okay to stand and I tried to ignore Jaime's presence as I brushed my teeth, gagging a but as I caught Jaime's gaze.

He just kind of stared at me before he stumbled back into our bedroom, collapsing onto our bed and snores started filling the room.

I let out a small sigh of relief as I looked into the mirror, hating what I saw.

My hair feel in blue ringlets on my shoulders, knotted and messy. I glared at my hair and before I could stop myself, I grabbed a pair of Scissors in my hand and chooped.

I cut my hair until it was just above my ears, hanging in limp strands before I started sobbing, heavy breaths escaping my mouth as I gasped for air.

What had I done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> And good news, I'm going to Carolina Rebellion in May! PTV is gonna be there as well as:  
> Amity Affliction   
> Falling in Reverse   
> Def Leppard   
> Avenged Sevenfold  
> Three Days Grace  
> I Prevail   
> Skillet  
> Sum 41  
> Alter Bridge  
> And so many more, I'm so ready.   
> -Cas


	18. Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep I'm not dead, I've been writing on Wattpad now and I just want to wrap all of the fics I have on here since I forgot to even though they've been done on Wattpad.  
> -Cas

I ran my fingers through my choppy hair, staring in shock at what I had done. Hair laid around me on the floor, blue strands circling around my feet.

I set the scissors down before I started sobbing, shoulders shaking as I bent over the counter, misery filling me.

Why had I done that? Why?

I pushed myself up before wiping my tears away, lips quivering as I tried to ready myself for Jaime's reaction. My hands shook as I opened the bathroom door slowly, sighing in relief when Jaime was still out cold.

I crept to the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of water before I grabbed my phone. I scheduled an appointment at the hair dresser and I had to leave right away.

\---------

Once I got home, with slightly less choppy hair, Jaime was sitting at the dining room table, head in his hands.

"Where were you Vic? I thought he heads taken you?" Jaime said miserably and I instantly felt guilty, even more so when he lifted his head up and gasped.

Jaime walked towards me and ran his fingers through my hair slowly, frowning at my short locks before gathering me in a hug.

He didn't ask any questions, he just hugged me and I was so thankful because I wouldn't have been able to answer any of his questions.

"You know I love you? And I'll never let that man touch you again." Jaime told me and I smiled before nodding and pecking his lips softly before I rested my head on his shoulder and just relaxed, letting the feeling of Jaime's fingers rubbing my scalp carry me away.

Jaime surprised me by picking me up and carrying me to our bed making me giggle as he set me down gently, tickling my side a bit before he laid down next to me.

"Do you know how fucking perfect you are?" Jaime asked me randomly and I could any stare.

Because no, I didn't. I hated my body, hated the way I still felt so dirty even though it had happened so long ago.

"You are. Your smile is so fucking beautiful. Your hair is so soft and a little more blue and short than normal but I can still run my fingers through it while we cuddle. Your legs? Oh Vic, your legs are so fucking perfect and your arms. And how could I forget your eyes? They're so warm and pretty and just so you Vic. You're not beautiful because of sex Vic, you're beautiful because you're you and with or without sex I will love you forever." Jaime told me and I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry.

I instantly wrapped my arms around Jaime and felt him do the same, warm hands brushing the skin under my shirt.

"I love you so fucking much Hime." I whispered into his chest as tears poured down my cheeks.

I just felt so loved. So cared about and it was such a great feeling.

Jaime didn't care about my hair. He didn't care about the fact that I was "dirty".

He didn't care. He just loved me and that was all I could ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you ♡  
> -Cas


	19. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut Warning
> 
> -Cas

I still had my bad days. Days where I would wake up sweaty and screaming from a nightmare I couldn't remember.

I had days where I would flinch away from Jaime's touch and moments where even a kiss was too much.

But I was better. I was able to go to the support group and Jaime actually tagged along with me sometimes.

I was able to have sex sometimes and enjoy it. I was able to smile and laugh and write music just like I used to.

And I was able to tell the fans everything. I told them how Jaime and I were together. I told them how we had suffered a tragedy but we were better.

Mike and Tony supported me too, making excuses and covering for me at shows when I was stuck in the bathroom having a panic attack.

Jaime would stay by my side and rub my back as I threw up from the force of my panic, tears falling down my cheeks. But that didn't happen that often, only once or twice a tour so I was okay.

My hair had grown out, long and brown again and we often laughed at the time when I looked like a smurf and it didn't hurt my feelings at all like it would have all that time ago.

Before I had never thought that I would be happy again. I never thought I would ever get over it. And I hadn't but I was coping and that's all I could ask for.

"Hey baby?" Jaime whispered as he wrapped his arms tightly around me.

I hummed in response, running my fingers through Jaime's hair gently as he pressed a quick his to my neck, breath tickling my skin.

"You know I love you and I'm so happy that you're happy?" Jaime told me and I smiled before nodding and connecting my lips to Jaime's gently, moaning slightly when the kiss got more heated.

Jaime pushed me down on the hotel bed before he started rubbing his hips against mine, bands working over my body making me moan lowly.

"You're so perfect Vic." Jaime whispered as he kissed my collarbone making my back arch as he sucked marks into my skin.

"Just fuck me Hime." I begged as he continued peppering kisses down my body until he reached the waistband of my jeans.

He paused and looked up at me through wide eyed before he slowly pulled my jeans and boxers off before he straddled my body again before I pushed his shirt over his head, pulling him down so I could kiss him.

"Please Jaime just fuck me already." I begged again as I rocked my hips up into his to gain some friction.

"Patience baby." Jaime said as he stood up so he could pull his jeans and boxers off and I pulled my own shirt off while he did that, body coursing with energy.

"Hands and knees baby." Jaime whispered as he walked over to me with a bottle of lube, smirk on his face as I obeyed, arms already shaking with excitement.

Jaime didn't waste any time as he pushed a lubed finger into me, brushing it against my walls slightly, teasing me.

"Feel good baby?" Jaime asked as he pressed as second finger in and all I could do was moan as he found my prostate right away making my arms tremble.

Soon, he was lubing himself up and pushing in, groaning as he bottomed out, thighs pressing against mine as he leaned over me, grabbing my hair and pulling my body up so he could kiss my neck before he let me drop again.

I grabbed a pillow and buried my face in it as he started thrusting, using slow deep thrusts that had me trembling and moaning.

"So tight baby." He moaned as he sped up, hands gripping my waist just tight enough.

"You're so big Hime. So good." I replied as he reached his arm under me to stroke my erection as he started thrusting harder making the bed creak a bit.

A few thrusts later and I was cumming, body shaking as I finished on the sheets and it spurred Jaime on. He thrusted a few more times before be too finished deep inside me, sweaty body collapsing on top of mine as he connected our lips together at an awkward angle.

"Love you baby." Jaime whispered and I replied the same, kissing him again before he pulled out and used his shirt to wipe us off before he collapsed next to me, wrapping an arm over my waist as he kissed me.

There wasn't anything sexual about the kiss, just as sweet loving kiss and I appreciated it. I loved when Jaime fucked me hard but I loved gentle kisses and hugs more and Jaime knew that.

"I love you so much." Jaime whispered against my lips.

"Love you too Hime." I replied before I curled into him so that my head rested against his chest.

His breath soon evened out and mine soon followed as we fell asleep under the light of the moon, smiles on our faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you and go check me out on Wattpad where I'm actually active (Same name on there)  
> -Cas

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you! I'll be updating this often(I hope).  
> -Cas


End file.
